Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The Thing! - Part One

My older brother hates scary movies. He curls up in a ball and half hides from them under the security of a warm blankie. They give him nightmares for weeks. None of this stops him from watching them though. He has a strange addiction.

The other day a scary trailer played before our movie at the theater. He leaned over to me and shuddered. "Not going to watch that one!"

I laughed. I knew he probably would. He'd also drag someone else along to share in the terror as though companionship actually helps him. It doesn't.

That's just the way he is.

I worked at a grocery store while in high school. I would often come home after a late shift bagging and chasing carts around the parking lot and find some member of my family hanging out downstairs, watching tv. One week a channel had a monster movie marathon. I came home day after day to find my older brother balled up on the couch with a blanket just under his nose.

Yes, we did have a huge ugly green sectional and a large wooden entertainment center. My brother often claimed the corner as the blue light of horror washed over him. He would look up when I walked in, pat the couch next to him, and mutter something through his fluffy shield. "Watch. Scary. Sit. Watch."

I would usually sigh, then sit, and watch the rest of whatever nightmare fuel happened to be on.

I've mentioned before that few things scare me and that I like to scare others. Movies just make me laugh. This evening my brother had elected The Thing as his drug of choice. It wasn't that scary, but it did have this crazy scene where an alien in the form of a dog assimilates several other dogs. One of the actors turns a flamethrower on the creature and you can imagine the mess. Not pretty and horrifying in a not so scary way.

The movie ended and my brother remained near comatose behind his blankie, shivering, twitching, and muttering to himself.

"Shouldn't have watched that. Not gonna sleep. Icky dog thing."

I stood up and turned on the light. The switch sat right next to the entertainment center and a dark hallway. Now, I can count on my fingers the number of times I have been scared enough to jump. This is one of them...in slow motion for your entertainment.

I did not kick the kitty, so you know. That is me half jumping away.

I know. Not that scary. In my defence that was not our kitty! It could have been some mutant from outer space intent on assimilating me and using my husk as a disguise while spreading its invasive self around the globe. You don't know!

And what is wrong with my brother? Who yells "kitty" like the zombiepocalypse has begun and I happen to be standing right next to a mindless biting corpse? I didn't even understand him. My ears could not decipher the terrifying scream. My reality blurred into sudden light, blinking, a horrible noise issuing from my brother's mouth, pointing, some unknown black thing moving inches from my leg, recoiling from the evil beast before it could consume my soul. So, yeah, I jumped. Do you blame me?

The poor kitty ran for it, probably more confused and terrified than any of us.

My brother laughed at me. At me! I started plotting my revenge right then...and my revenge would be epic, dear brother, epic! You shall see! You shall wade in the epicness of my revenge! But that will be next week's post.


Chanel said...

It's a strange addiction. Being terrified gives you an adrenaline rush afterwards that leaves you wanting more...

Like roller coasters. Roller coasters are horrifying. The wait in line makes you nervous, they strap you in, and you're screaming in terror to be released as soon as you take off. But when you get back to the safety of land, your heart beating so hard it feels like it'll explode out of your chest, all you can say is, "LET'S DO IT AGAIN!"

Scary movies are like that. Also, once you start watching you can't look away. You have to know how it ends.

dbs said...

He may have laughed at you but I bet he peed his pants a little bit.
P.S. This was funny (and I can't wait to see the remake of "The Thing.")

Mark said...

wait .... they are remaking it?


Oh joy.

Its intersting how little things are rememberd diffrently.

Charlie came home and sat in an old ladder back chair to whatch the movie. Don't let him fool you ... he might not have been scared but he was more then a little freacked out.

He neglected to close the basment door behind him when he came in and a a pure black cat wandered in and parked right behing him in his chair..... and the KITTY screems began. I can yell loud .... i mean I just whatched a show where a melty dog thing eat like half the cast.

The running and jumping proceded from that.... and yes his revenge is worth come back to read about.


Michael Offutt said...

My friend Melissa loves scary movies so much that she keeps a trunk full of them in her car. I mean seriously...who keeps a copy of "The Excorcist" on dvd around just in case someone you know hasn't seen it and you must watch it. Well...that would be my friend Melissa.

A little trivia on "The Thing". A prequel is coming out this year and some footage of the trailer is online to view. Basically, it takes place a couple days before the Kurt Russell film that you quoted in your blog at the Norwegian base.

Michael Offutt said...

Oh and one other piece of trivia regarding "The Thing". To date, it is the only movie that I know of that had an all male cast.

Brent Wescott said...

Are scary movies even scary any more? Or do they just keep getting more and more gross? (I wouldn't know. I get too scared to watch scary movies.)

Candice said...

I don't watch scary movies. They freak me out. I think I've told you before how much I HATE being scared. I won't even go to haunted houses, corn mazes, or anything that even remotely resembles "scary". Not my thing.

That being said, this post was most entertaining. I think your brother just might need some help to overcome this unhealthy addiction of his. Seriously.

Adam said...

The funny thing is how large your brother is. Thats what makes him being all scared like a little girl funny.

Anonymous said...

I can understand you jumping from the kitty, they're just evil, and they only get more evil as the get older.

Bryan M. White said...

I never get scared by "scary movies"; I'm not even sure how anyone could be.

P.S. You totally kicked that cat. It's time to come clean. :)

Anonymous said...

I'm sure lots of people would have jumped. That story only makes you seem a little bit like a scaredy-cat wimp. And the sky is sort of high, and Lindsay Lohan is a little but of a social drinker.

Michelle said...

Ok so your picture makes you look kind of chunky wearing a large grey MuMu. I don't remember that. :)

Mark said...

It has been a week .... where is my new funny ?


Emily White said...

Hahaha! How did I miss this?! I now must go read about the epic revenge!

Charlie Pulsipher said...

Chanel- I'm not the biggest fan of roller coasters. I get motion sickness thanks to the equilibrium genes I got from my dad. I can take or leave scary movies too. I like my movies to be intense, action, comedy, and clever dialogue rolled into one.

dbs- Remake? Sounds like my brother will be excited/upset. So torn. He probably did pee a little.

Mark- Your memory is broken.

Michael- "The Exorcist" in my trunk would freak me out. That clown...

Brent- Many scary movies are just gross. Sad really. It takes a very clever writer and director to get scary right.

Candice- So true. He keeps going to them. He knows it will freak him out and give him nightmares for weeks, but it doesn't stop. We need an intevention.

Adam- I know. Mark is big enough that he shouldn't fear much, avalanches, rhinos, efalumps, and freight trains, but not little movies.

Jared- Evil kitties. This also began Mark's obsession with screaming "kitty" randomly. I think it altered his brain.

Bryan- Yeah. They do nothing for me either. Just cause you are a Kitty Kicker doesn't mean we all are.

Doug- Thanks...my self esteem is a little bit in the dumps now...and you are a little bit stinky like old cheese...

Michelle- You mock my MuMu drawings? You are grounded and stinky. Just wait until I draw you again...it will be awesome...and by awesome I mean twisted and horrific. :P

Mark- Patience.

Emily- Thanks. The revenge is great. You will like it.

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