Friday, January 28, 2011

Michelle, think. What does growling lead to in nature?

This post is brought to you by my little sister, Michelle Berry. She is almost as goofy as I am. She wanted to share a story so others could learn from her misfortune. Pay attention. This is valuable stuff. Some minor editing and cartoons were done by me, but she gets credit for the story.

I wanted to tell you about one of my life lessons. This story is full of foreshadowing, but, as I was in the midst of it, I couldn't see those glaring clues.

A couple months ago I went to a nice Christmas Boutique with my mom. There was a cute little boy there who growled at me. Those of you who know two year old little boys also know that they love to play the growling game.

What is the growling game? Are some of you unaware of this great toddler invention? Well, it is when an adult (me) and a child battle our growling prowess back and forth until the loser forfeits. Either the little boy gets bored and goes away or I get annoyed that a two year old is beating me and I storm off. In fact, my favorite past time with my nephew, Wubzilla, is the growling game.

Is it cruel of little Wubzilla's parents to nick name him that? Perhaps, but you would understand if you saw him. He is a blond haired blue eyed sumo wrestler in a two year old's body. He even does the legs shoulder width apart stomping thing that sumo's do. His parents call it his happy dance.

However this story is not about Wubzilla, but this little boy at the Boutique. There were huge clue's that the growling game was not such a good idea with this little boy. I ignored those clues, but will point them out to you as I go. Hindsight and all. Do not make my mistake!

1st. Clue: We were at a fancy Boutique where the ladies were dressed in designer clothing, wearing fancy jewelry and bedazzled purses. This boy was wearing a diaper. That's it. No socks, no shoes, nothing but a very distressed looking diaper.

2nd. Clue: This little boy was no pleasantly plump Wubz. He was a lean mean growling machine. I'm even tempted to say he was Rambo's illegitimate love child.

3rd Clue: When it was Rambo babies turn he added a very aggressive scratching/clawing motion to accentuate his growling.

So, after a few minutes of the growling game, Rambo boy charges toward me.

I, still oblivious to the danger, think "Aww, how cute he wants to give me a hug." He did hug me for about two seconds.

Then he proceeded to bite my right butt cheek HARD!

Maybe I should have noticed the evil glint in his eyes, but I am naive and paid the price with perfect little kid teeth marks on my right cheek and a bruise that lasted a week.

So, life lesson learned. DO NOT play the growling game with strange little boys!


J.J. Bennett said...

I'm scared. My 5 month old daughter growls AND bites my shoulder...So this is not just about boys!

The Larsen's said...

hahahahaha!!! If anyone were to meet this wubzilla... you would all understand why we nicknamed him that!!! funny story!!! and love the pix!

Angela Ackerman said...

Sometimes kids are a pain in the ass.

Oh come on now, someone had to say it!


Charlie Pulsipher said...

@Jennifer - Very true. Little girls can be babie rambos too.

@The Larsens - I love the nick name! And I'm glad the pics worked for you.

@Angela - Good. You said it. Now I don't have to. Ü

Johnny Utah said...

All the boys in my family headbutt, so I don't know what's worse.

On another note, your drawings are money!

Charlie Pulsipher said...

Johnny, headbutts are fun. I'd take a headbutt over a bitebutt anyday.

I wish my drawings were money! That would solve world hunger...or at least my own hunger which is a start.

BlahCooCooBlah said...

I will defo take your advice, in fact, I will stay away from babies in general! Lol, I love the drawings btw, great illustration! Nice blog, following :D

Charlie Pulsipher said...

Thanks BlahCooCooBlah. Glad to have you onboard. Not all babies are rambo biters, but any baby could be. Be safe out there.

Penny Lane said...

one of my life goals is to see an owl up close.

Charlie Pulsipher said...

I got to see one up close and personal on a field trip when I was little. It was pretty cool and we all got a little hairball thing to take home and dissect to see what the owl eats. It was cool and disturbing. Much better than when I thought one was a bunny and then it morphed into an owl. That is freaky.

HowLynnTime said...

LOL - at that stage, tell her it is time to transition baby rambo into the Thump stage - He bites, you Thump him like Rabbit fuufuu - ( the wingless one) he crys - you smile and comfort as mommy shows her little piggy eyes. You tell her how adorable he is and walk off singing "thank heaven for little girls" in as close to a french accent as yo can muster! Big evil grin!

Charlie Pulsipher said...

Yes. I would have thumped him too. But I also wouldn't have been playing the growling game with him to begin with. My sister is silly.

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