Thursday, February 3, 2011

My wife is weird and I am Hat Eye!

I love my wife. She is quirky and odd. Can you imagine me with anyone who isn't? The funny thing is most people don't see that side of her. They see her with her nose in a book or with a stack of papers to grade. I am going to take advantage of my blog stardom and expose the real Jazzy to the world.

Here is a conversation we had on IM. I was at work. She was home. I teased her about something. I can't remember exactly what, but I probably called her stinky or made fun of her inability to cook. I scribbled down everything that came after, thinking I would remember what instigated the conversation. I should have known my memory doesn't work that way. Here is what came right after the teasing:

Jazzy: i hat eyou/

Me: I hat eye you too dear

Jazzy: and i can't type

Me: Hat Eye, the Avenger!


Jazzy: Are you coming home to help me make dinner?

Me: Nope. You make dinner. I am avenging the wrongs with my haberdashery super powers of sight!

Jazzy: I have no idea what that means.

Me: Haberdashery? Google it.

Me: *waiting like three seconds for her to google it*

Me: Besides clothing, they made hats.

Jazzy: Why do you know these things?

Me: Because I am Hat Eye! Pay attention.

Jazzy: I do. You are just weird.

Okay. I know what you are thinking. This makes Jazzy look normal and me like a weirdo. But, would a normal person put up with me? I think not.

I've got a better example. I sat in the bath, playing with the bubbles and patting the water like usual. My wife wanders in as she does sometimes. Don't worry. This is not in any way dirty.

Jazzy: *wanders in singing* Lalalalla la...you're a firework.

Me: I'm a firework?

Jazzy: It's a song...

Me: *ignores that it's a song* What kind of firework am I?

Jazzy: Like...pfft pffft...*she puts her feet shoulder length apart, raises her hands, and shakes her fingers like sparks*

Me: So...I'm a lame firework?

Jazzy: *laughs and walks out of the bathroom*

Me: *bubbles are suddenly less fun*

See that. She is funny and goofy. You still don't believe me? Yes, you need more proof. One more funny story about my wife:

Me: *sleeping soundly and happily in on a day off*

Jazzy: *jumps on bed and tackles me* (I know you can't tackle someone who is laying down, but she still tried.)

Me: ummmffftt *half asleep*

Jazzy: Wake up, it's 8:30!

Me: *stretches and bumps her in the forehead with my elbow*

Jazzy: Ow. You smoke me in my pants! (I heard 'smote', but she claims she said 'smoke') *falls over laughing*

Me: Did you say 'I smote me in my pants'?

Jazzy: *rolls around the bed next to me laughing*

Me: *laughing* What is wrong with your brain?

Jazzy: *gasping for air while laughing* I don't know.

Odd, definitely odd to have those words come out of her mouth when she meant to say "Ow, you poked me in the face." I give you unavoidable proof that my wife's brain does not function. I was the one half asleep. She had been up for at least an hour. Jazzy, I love you. Stay weird. I need it to keep me sane.

17 comments:

Emily White said...

Hahaha! Cute! I especially loved the "lame fireworks." :)

Alex said...

hahahhaa i love jazzy. She is not normal for putting up with you! :D

Nancy said...

Love Jazzy's firework impersonation and your illustration of it. I had I don't know how many classes with Jazzy before I got to know her and discover that she's fun and goofy. Isn't being married a bit like having a slumber party with your best friend all the time? My husband and I have moments like getting tackled in bed on Saturday mornings when we laugh hysterically at stuff no one else would find the least bit amusing.

Jo said...

I love Jazzy as well and don't think she's weird or goofy in the slightest, but mainly b/c I know her and that's normal to me, as least normal for Jazzy :) However, I would have paid money to see her do jazz hands fireworks!

Brent Wescott said...

Come on, Jasmine. We all learned what a haberdasher is from watching Spinal Tap back in 1987.
More About Me

Johnny Utah said...

Uh, one of the Guildsmen from The Canterbury Tales was a haberdasher. He was the one who sewed corpulent women's skin into a coat.

Dunia Berkarya said...

comics are good and very interesting, greetings from Indonesian bloggers

Heather said...

Oh. Sounds like so much fun. Thank you for reminding me to go home and pester my nerdy/studly husband tonight...cuz he likes it!

Nice to meet you.

Charlie Pulsipher said...

Thank you all for commenting. My wife has enjoyed the attention and laughing at herself and me. Always nice to get a comment from old friends, family, funny people, someone from Indonesia, and a new face. Go pester that husband, Heather! All of us need someone to pester and be pestered by.

Chanel said...

I think the best one is when she tells you what kind of firework you are. Especially because she did the sound effects. I think people greatly underestimate the importance of sound effects.

Charlie Pulsipher said...

So true, Chanel. I've been told I also make sound effects in my sleep. Dream sound effects are important too.

Sycamore Girl said...

You two just feed off of your weirdness. Its a beautiful vicious cycle!

And when I lived with her, she was weird, but things have definitely escalated!

Charlie Pulsipher said...

She will say something really odd sometimes, something I would say. She'll then give me a dirty look and say she spends too much time with me. I love influencing her that way! Ü

aspiring_x said...

this was too cute! your wife sounds AWESOME!!! love the fireworks! :)

Charlie Pulsipher said...

Thanks, Aspiring_x! She really is. I am amazed daily that she puts up with me.

Matthew MacNish said...

You guys are awesome, Charlie.

Charlie Pulsipher said...

Thanks, Matthew. Hat Eye and Jazzy are definitely awesome.

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