The Beginning of Everything Once Again

I'm not a fan of resolutions. They are weak, flabby, pathetic creatures that do little to improve my year. They have failed me many many times now. I no longer make them.

I make goals. I write them down on paper and put them somewhere to needle me when I am tempted to give up. On the bedroom door, in the corner of the mirror, in a notebook, on my blog. I also make a plan of action, smaller goals that can be met one at a time until the overall goal is done.

Goals with plans are strong enough to push me to be better.

I fulfilled 2 out of 3 of last year's goals.

One of those was to finish my book. Not only did I finish my book, but I finished the little zombie guide too and published them both.

Another was to start a refinishing business. I did. It faltered and failed, but the experience was worthwhile and I do not regret it in the least.

The third was to get back in shape. I did not succeed, but I did manage to loose some weight and bring my cholesterol down from holy-crap-your-heart-may-explode to a much healthier slightly-high-but-okay.

So, what are my goals this year?

1- Finish writing book two, publish it, and begin another book.
        
The Plan: Write for at least one hour every night during the week. I've told my wife she needs to pretend I'm not home for that hour or more if I'm on a roll. I'll also be trying out some techniques for keeping myself excited to sit down and hammer out scenes that should help improve my writing as well.

2- Get in shape for real this time.

The Plan: Quit soda, cook at home, and do something active three times a week. We went on an eleven mile hike the other day and nearly died. That will change. We'll start with a juice fast for a couple days to clean all the junk out and go from there. I've already thrown out all the leftover Christmas candy and today I'll clean out the fridge.

That's it. I'm not adding a third this time, since I only succeeded with two last year. Wish me luck and I will do the same for all your new goals, plans, and resolutions.

Also, as a present to my readers and the world, I'm going to write a blog series on How to Self Publish that walks through the formatting process. I hope people are interested.

The joy that is bum warmers

My blog has lost its way. I'm terribly sorry about that. I created it in an attempt to include everyone in on my way of seeing the world. Little random moments of intrigue in the sounds that the mustard bottle makes. The way light glints off the oil slick pooling under my garbage can. The hum of a real copper penny when you flip it in the air. I have been sidetracked by my incessant complaints about work. That's not what this blog is about. It is about me dang it, not my job. It is supposed to be funny and inspirational...mostly funny. It also needs more pictures.

One of my favorite blogs uses pictures from paint and I got to thinking, "Hey. I don't have any of that fancy computer software. I used paint to make my business logo which ain't half bad. I should try my hand at that."

I don't expect my blog to be nearly as popular, amazing, or beartastic as hers, but I want it to be a little goofier. It's time to take myself and my job a little less seriously. It's time to talk about bum warmers.

There are many inventions I care deeply about. Toilet paper is one. The alternatives were not pretty.

Insulation is another great invention. I love being warm. I do not like the cold. I am thankful that there are things that keep the cold out. Nasty, icky, worthless cold. That is why I live in St George. We rarely see the Devil's Dandruff (snow) here and I like it that way.

But, whoever invented the car seat bum warmer is my hero. My bum warmers heat up faster than my regular heater which likes to blow frosty air at me for several minutes before coming close to warm. My seat starts radiating heat within a minute or two, like someone just swung the summer sun around to my backside, beach air rolling across my seat, the ocean waves crashing in the background. I love my bum warmers. They make me warm and happy. They are like little hugs from my car.

My dog likes to ride in the car. He is also somewhat obsessed with me and wants to be on my lap the whole time. I don't allow him to, so he hovers right next to my lap. This happens to be right on the bum warmer buttons. Not a big deal in Fall, Winter, or even Spring, but in the middle of Summer it becomes a nightmare. St George turns into an fiery oven full of hair dryers during the summer. It gets hot, very hot. My dog sets off the bum warmer without me noticing and ten minutes later I realize something is wrong. By then, it is too late. The hugs are replaced with mauling fire lemurs of death.

I am on fire, melting with the onslaught of flame. My body tries desperately to stop the heat. Let's look at the physical reaction:

Sweat breaks out and begins to pour down my back in growing rivers and streams in a fruitless attempt to put out the flames that have erupted below.

Why is this fruitless? Because, despite the feeling of heat, there is no actual flame.

So the sweat converges and collects until you have a nice amount of warm water pooling where warm water should not pool unless you are here:

So, even the best inventions have their flaws. With such a wonderful thing as bum warmers we must all be responsible and remain vigilant against their misuse. There are few things worse than bum sweat.

I hope you like where my blog is headed. Sorry for the bum cracks, but I'm a thirteen year old inside and can't help it. Thanks for reading. Love you all.



Raptor Bark LLC Refinishing, Art, and Design

My new business is getting more official. My sister and brother in law are going to work on creating two websites for me, one for the biz and one for me as an author. I don't have much money to spend on websites right now, so this is how I paid them.

My sister had this old, beat up dresser thing, stained and cracked white paint slathered on all sides. I spent several days getting the seven layers of paint off. White, yellow, pink, blue, white, blue, and a dark stain. Sad thing was, the first layer of paint was to cover up a water stain that would have been an easy repair. I'm also pretty sure the last two layers of paint were lead based. They didn't react right to the stripping agent. I may die now. A little scraping and sanding later and this is what the dresser looked like.

Some glue, wood filler, stain and polyurethane later and the final product is done. I think it is worth a little website or two, but I am biased like that. Let me know what you think.

Oh, this is my logo for the biz, by the way. Raptor Bark is so going to be awesome. Thanks for reading and supporting my crazy idea to make money without enervating (look it up) my soul.