How to Self Publish Part 1: Writing

Part 1, Part 2

I'm not going to go into depth on how to write a novel. There are thousands of guides, manuals, books, seminars, software, and trained lemurs out there that can offer you advice on this. I don't think I can do more than they have. In fact, I think less is better.

The problem with telling someone how to write is that everyone writes differently. Some people need a rigid structure with spreadsheets, timelines, and charts. Some would rather just write, surrounded with noise and discarded soda bottles. Some create elaborate webs of yarn that string each idea and character together.

I fall somewhere in the middle of these.

I like to start out writing from the chaos in my head, with little planning. Then, as the novel grows, I have to map it out more and I create an outline. Then I allow my mind to wander, playing with the scaffolding I've made, tinkering it into new shapes. I'll rewrite my outline six or seven times as I continue writing. My characters grow, change, develop, and pop in and out of existence.

I can't tell you how to write, because you may not be able to write this way. But, I still have some universal things I can share, no matter how you write.

1. Find out how you write.

Develop what works best for you. Play with a few different writing styles and locations until you find what works for you. Listen to music. Don't listen to music. Try writing in a quiet room, sealed off from the world, in a library where you can people watch, in a cafe, in the great outdoors. Try making an outline, going without one, making a chart, or any other idea that comes to you. Then, apply what works.

2. Put your butt in a chair and write.

Novels aren't easy. You can't take that wonderful kernel of an idea that you have rolling around your head and turn into a novel overnight. Sorry. This is going to be a long gruelling process. It will be painful at times. You will shed tears over the keyboard as characters die, don't work, and take paths you didn't expect. You will have days where you won't want to write. Do it anyway.

Sit down and write. Nothing gets the words flowing better than writing. Yes, the first few paragraphs may be garbage, but then you warm up and things click together. DO NOT allow discouragement to keep you from writing, EVER! It is a writer's darkest enemy. Ignore it and write. Stick to a schedule where you write every day. Roll the scene you plan to write around in your brain until you are excited to write it. Don't let anything keep you from writing.

3. Allow yourself to suck.

I didn't use the first ten to twelve pages of my novel in the finished product. I also cut another twenty some odd pages from the overall book. There is nothing wrong with this. You can't expect everything to flow as golden drops of awesomeness onto the page every time you sit down. It isn't realistic.

You also can't let yourself edit every sentence or paragraph you just wrote until it is perfect. This will lead to frustration and discouragement as you see very little progress made on your word-count. Ignore that voice in your head that says you need to fix what you just wrote.

You can do that later. Keep writing and allow yourself to write things you are unhappy with. It is the only way you will make it through without pulling your hair out.

That's my advice. The next part will deal with revisions and should be fun. You can go ahead and bookmark this page. I'll add a link to each part as I write them at the top so you can easily flip through the entire series on self publishing.

Reviews and Craziness

This will just be a quick post.

I've been spending a large amount of time submitting my novel to book review blogs, hoping that more people will be exposed to my writing and decide to take a look. I've gotten a few people expressing interest, but most have such a huge stack of reading material that they either turn me away or tell me it will be months. I'm fine with the wait. I can be patient and am just happy that more people want to read it.

One person read it in like two days and posted a review. Some bad, but mostly good. I'm happy with having some issues to overcome and work to do. It is my first novel after all. Even the greatest authors have mistakes in their first. Here is a link to the review. And another link to a little interview with her. Thank you all for the support. I am nothing without my readers.

Things I Learned

I had my first public appearance as an author yesterday. I met with a high school book club that is about to read my novel, The Crystal Bridge. I'll be heading back in a month after they finish reading. There were a few surprises. I'll share some of those lessons learned from the experience.

1- I really can talk about my book, writing, and publishing intelligibly for a long time. I was super nervous that no one would have questions and we would just stare at one another. Maybe I'd get out ten or twenty minutes worth of stuff and then look dumb. That wasn't the case. They had questions and I filled most of an hour. I probably could have filled another hour, but they had to go to class.

2- Wearing a sweater is a good idea. I sweat more than any human should when I'm nervous. I changed shirts like four times and looked at a couple jackets before I left my house. I then threw on a sweater at the last minute. It was a great choice. They couldn't see how nervous I was, even if my shirt was sticking to me underneath it all. I looked calm and confident. I don't know what I'll do in the summer.

3- I should remove the bit about a velociraptor impression at the end of my book. Someone flipped to the back and read my About The Author section. She wanted to see the velociraptor. I was super embarrassed, but did it. It involves me loping across the room, screeching like a crazed lizard. I think the kids thought it was fun, but they may also think I'm a crazy person.

4- I like talking about writing. Not only did I find I had the words, I also didn't struggle with them. I didn't say "um" or "uh" or stutter a lot. The only time I stuttered for a bit was right after I did the velociraptor and I was also blushing. Then I warmed back to the subject at hand. I enjoyed discussing the writing process and the words flowed from me rather smoothly. This was a surprise. I haven't done public speaking in a long long time. I expected it to be harder, but I guess passion for the subject helps more than I imagined.

5- Sitting on a desk with your feet on a chair makes you look cool. At least I felt that way. I didn't have to stand awkwardly at the front of a classroom, unsure what to do with my hands. I didn't have to lean on a podium with a big block of wood between me and them. I didn't have to sit at a table on a stage feeling alone and isolated. I got to sit just slightly above everyone and talk to them like they were my friends. I felt awfully cool...I assume I looked the part too...even with the sweater.

Insecurity and Soup

I missed the Insecure Writer's Support Group post last week. Tuesday night my wife turned into a soup sandwich. I spent all night and part of the morning taking care of her. I was too exhausted the next day to do much of anything. I think we laid on the couch and watched a lot of tv.

My wife is feeling much better now, not so soupy. So, I'm moving on with the support post.

Despite not posting anything, there's still plenty of insecurity and support surrounding me and my writing. I've sold five copies of my book this month. Painful. I knew it would slow down before the holidays, but I wasn't expecting this. I hope that things pick up with all those new tablets and ereaders people will get in December.

I've submitted my novel to over thirty book review blogs this week. Many of these will choose not to read my book. Many will not get around to it for months. I'm okay with both of these. I know I don't have unlimited time. Neither do these kind folks out there who love to read and share what they like. I'm going to be patient. It gives these blogs more time to add followers and for readers to get used to their shiny new tablets anyway.

Being self published means I don't have to rush to sell all my copies in print so the publisher will print again. I can wait and let my audience grow bit by bit. I can fix typos. I can work on my next book. I'm thankful for my friends on here who have been crazy supportive. You are amazing human beings and I am humbled to know you, even if in just some weird digital sense of the word.

Crazy Awesome Week

Thanks to the recent blogfest, I now have over 100 followers. This is something I thought would take me months to accomplish and it happened in two days. I want to welcome all my new friends. You, along with my old friends, are amazing! I have gotten more support from this little blog than I ever imagined. Finishing my novel is partly thanks to all of you.

I'm also very close to getting over 1000 pageviews this month. That's never happened before. This post will, most likely, put me over the top. I think I'll have a celebration next week for these accomplishments. I may have to give away a copy of my book.

For my new friends, I blog about once a week. I draw goofy comics and I babble about writing, though not usually at the same time. I'm hoping you enjoy both.

I also want you to understand my humor and see what my little blog has to offer, so I've compiled a list of must see posts. You don't have to visit them all, but click on one or two. You'll thank me later.

Newspaper and Bathtubs Do Not Mix

How I Almost Got Shot

Why Skunks Love Me - Part One

My wife is weird and I am Hat Eye!

The Thing - Part Two (Revenge)

The best camping trip, ever!

Yes, wax is a grease!

Never gobble at a turkey!

The ANTM Guilty Pleasure

The Crystal Bridge and Me Talking to Myself

I'll also leave you with two drawings I did from my novel. Don't worry, the novel is better written than these are drawn.

Thank you all for stopping by and for the wonderful comments and support. And thank you to everyone who bought the novel. I really can't thank you enough.

The Crystal Bridge and Me Talking to Myself

I'm here today to do an interview with myself. Sounds crazy, I know.

Writers are slightly crazy to begin with. We have all these characters in our heads, whispering, shouting, giggling nonstop, or whimpering in the corner. We invent them, give them a voice all their own, and come up with their personal way of viewing the world. How crazy is that? To have these complete or semi-complete people floating around in our heads?

My novel has like forty-two point of view characters. That makes me extra crazy. It’s not really that many, closer to ten, but you get the point. Talking to myself isn’t much of a stretch. So, here goes.

Q: What’s the story behind this whole The Crystal Bridge thingy?

A: Thingy? I’m glad I’m the writer out of the two of us.

Q: I know, right? Dodged a bullet there.

A: Okay, the novel originally came into my head as two separate dreams. Dream one was about a boy who could open wormholes to other worlds. Nobody else could see them and he always returned to the same moment he left, unchanged. So, no one believed him. Dream two was about a lab creating holographic simulations that began reaching into alternate worlds with some odd side effects.  Several interesting characters emerged the more I thought about these strange dreams.

Q: How did these separate dreams become one?

A: My wife suggested that I should combine them, so I did.

Q: Smart man.

A: This is true.

Q: Tell me about some of these other characters.

A: Well, Kaden is the teen boy with the wormholes. Aren is a teenage girl who can see and experience other people’s memories as though they were her own. James is a geneticist obsessed with dragons, Angie is his boss, running the genetic simulations department for one of the bad guys, Vander. I have more characters who pop up on the other world and a villain creature that lives between universes. I could go on and on. There’s Evandrel, Hasla, Dveldor, Taggert, and—

Q: Let’s stop there. We don’t want to give too much away, do we?

A: Um…I guess not.

Q: You really want to say one more character’s name, don’t you?

A: And Lyle. Lyle’s pretty cool.

Q: Feel better?

A: Much, thank you.

Q: Sounds complex. Where do you find inspiration for your stories?

A: Didn’t I already mention dreams?

Q: Did you?

A: I’m pretty sure forgetting a conversation you had three seconds ago with yourself isn’t a good sign. You may need help.

Q: Probably right. Mostly dreams then?

A: Yes. I have six or seven stories floating around my noggin that have all come from dreams. I’m very lucky, I know. While most people dream of scary clowns, losing their teeth, or flying, I end up with nano-genetic mutations, wormholes, soul thieves, and talking magical doorknobs.

Q: Talking what now?

A: Doorknobs, well, just one actually. So…doorknob. That will be in another novel later. The doorknob also walks around in a trench-coat to hide his brassy features. I think I’ll call him DK.

Q: I’m sorry I asked. Weirdo.

A: That’s me. Isn’t it great?

Q: Great…yes. That’s the word I was looking for. So any plans for a sequel with The Crystal Bridge?

A: Originally, no, but ideas crept into the story anyway. Then I had another dream. At least one more novel, possibly two. I’ve got some great twists planned and we’ll see how the wormholes interact with Aren’s gift more and then the quantum—

Q: Wow. Look at the time. This is all very interesting, but it’s all we have time for today.

A: You just looked at your wrist. Are you trying to get rid of me?

Q: What? Me? Never. I’m nothing without you. You complete me.

A: Yep, you’re right. When you start giving yourself false compliments, it’s time to wrap it up.

Q: I couldn’t have said it better.

A: I’m sure you could have. Or, I could have in the first place. I am a writer.

Q: Are you finished?

A: Yes, sorry.

Q: Thank you, Charles, for joining me today.

A: My pleasure, honestly. Thank you, Charles, for having me and for the wonderful questions. It was fun. And thank you, Charles, for letting us put a little of my crazy on your blog. You most likely won’t regret it.

The Crystal Bridge is available here:

Kindle Version 

Print Version

Nook Version

Cover art by Karl-Erik Bennion

My Novel Is Done!

The Crystal Bridge, a sci-fi fantasy mix about wormholes, dimensions, nano-technology, genetics, dragons, elves, and magic, is done and will be online within a week or two. I'm super excited and freaked out. I wrote a novel, crazy stuff, people. The end result is 125,000 words and will be around 365 pages in print. Here's a teaser of the cover.

And here is the description on the back cover:

Kaden is a typical teenage boy, except he can open wormholes to far away worlds.

His first trip almost killed him. He’s been afraid to try another.

Aren is far from a typical teenage girl. She has the ultimate gift of empathy, seeing into the memories and souls of others.

Her gift makes her different and lonely despite how close it brings her to those she knows.

When these two meet, the existence of two worlds will be endangered as their abilities plunge them into a planet at war. Their adventure may tear apart multiple universes…or they may just save us all.

Some of you expressed interest in helping me market the thing on your blogs. If you are still interested, here are your options:

1- You send me a list of interview style questions. I'll send you the list back complete with answers. I'll also send the links to the novel.

2- You send me an email saying you can't come up with questions. I send you a list of interview questions made up by me with answers also made up by me. And links.

3- You send me an email saying you're sick of interviews. I will send you a bit about the book and characters with some touchy feely stuff on writing. And links.

4- You come up with an even better idea.

Thank you so much. I can never really thank you enough.

Charlie

Writing Updates and the Undead

So, I abandoned my blog for a while so I could focus on writing and growing an awesome beard. Don't ask me how blogging interfered with my beard growth...it just did. I'm now back to give you some updates of awesomitude.

I finished my first and second drafts of my novel. I am now tweaking it a bit, fixing some minor little mistakes, and adding in a few things that come to me in the middle of the night. I've woken up at 4am three or four nights in a row with some detail that would make the book just a touch better. It has been exhilarating and obnoxious.

Some of you know I've decided to self publish. I'm not even going to try the traditional publishing route. I think ebooks and indie publishers are the wave of the future. If you really want all my reasons, I'll do another post about it.

The major problem with epublishing is you need to completely reformat your book to make it work. This process is not simple, easy, or fun. I was a little overwhelmed by the whole concept of redoing my novel with html, so I thought I'd do a trial run first with some short stories.

But, as I focused on my novel, those short stories didn't get finished. I started to worry. I needed some practice before I did my novel. I dug through old folders and found what I needed.

A few Christmases ago I wrote a gag zombie guide for my friends and family. I still had it saved on my computer. All I needed to do was remove any reference to people I know directly and all the stuff about St George, Utah. I added a few more pictures, hand drawn of course. Then I started the reformat process.

Agony. That is the word. I formatted it and put it on the previewer. Nothing looked right. My pictures didn't appear. My fonts were too big or too small. Spaces popped up in the wrong places. I had nonsense bits of code that didn't translate into words. I formatted it again. Nope. My pictures all looked black. My font sizes still insisted on doing strange and forbidden things. I tried again. Better. Again. Better. One more time. Pretty good. I saved the whole thing as an epub file.

Then I made a cover.

I think it turned out pretty well considering I don't have much experience doing much more than my silly cartoons on here.

I am now proud to say my zombie guide is available online for real people to buy. Check it out now if you're interested, just 99 cents may save your life someday.

Here for Amazon's kindle.

Here for B&N's Nook.

Very soon, I'll have it available in print for $6.99 and I'll keep you updated.

I am now pretty much ready to get my novel out there. I figure about a month for me to reformat it, get a cover, and get it out there. I'm not above asking for help to spread the word. Please, my blogger friends, lend me your blogs. I am hoping to do a few interviews, guest posts, and talk a bit about the book or the characters for you. If you are interested, let me know.

I will be grateful forever and I'll work out some incentive as we get closer. I'm thinking a couple signed copies of Zombies at the Door and a couple of my novel, The Crystal Bridge that will go out to a randomized few people from those who help.

Pills for Valentine's Day

I haven't finished a comic again for this week. I know...slacker, right? Sorry. I know I've let my blogging duties slide down the priority list. I've had a lot going on. What? Thanks for asking.

I built a playhouse for my sister and her kids. See. Bask in its awesomeness that flows from it in rippling waves.

Designed myself, insulated, solid, and pure awesome.

I also created four mini lightboxes for my wife to give to several girls who are graduating from high school. My wife teaches them at church, so she wanted them to have something unique and personal. I did little landscapes of the St George temple with Dixie hill in the background. That way they remind them of home wherever they go.

They were my first attempt to go cordless. These have batteries and an led. The back is frosted plastic so they can tape a picture to it and have that glow too. I like them, kinda retro modern. I hope the girls like them too.

I also changed out a toilet all by myself. Seriously, do you know how disgusting that can be? I only gagged a couple time, but managed to hold it together and get the job done. Here is my new dual flush space toilet that I picked up for just under a hundred bucks at Restore. It qualifies for a seventy-five dollar rebate too. I rock.

So, yeah, I've been busy. This isn't even counting all the hard work on my novel. That project is nearing completion and gets harder and harder to do the closer I get, like running a marathon uphill during a hail storm on the hottest day in July. No wonder most people who start a novel never finish. I will finish though, conquer, stand proud atop of the hill of my manuscript...and then start the rewrite process. Painful.

I also got a stain out of my wife's pants that she was sure would never come out. I am that awesome.

In place of a comic this week, I leave you with another bit of short fiction. I wrote this around eight or nine years ago. I know it is rough and lacks a lot of the elegant prose you have all come to expect from me...right? But, it is one of my first real attempts to get into the head of my character. It gave me chills as I wrote it and, in my opinion, nailed the voice down.

I don't want you all to think these bits of writing are in any way a consolation prize. I work hard on them too, often much harder than I work on my funny comics. This one is in no way funny, just to warn you.

Enjoy.


Pills for Valentine's Day

I sit on the bathroom floor, head against the cupboards below the sink, feet against the door. The old, metal bends near the bottom, dented over the years by my pushing against it. I kick when I’m frustrated, but usually I just hold the world outside. This bathroom has always been my escape. I remember when I was little and had to lay down to be able to keep my feet against the door. Now I have to kick off my sandals or high heels to be almost comfortable.


I actually don’t know whether I’m holding something out or in sometimes. The first minute is always the worst, heart pounding as everything piles against the door. My legs shake and burn, but I have to keep them tight until the pressure against the door stops. Only then can I relax, feel sane, feel real again. Then I sit inside for hours, calmly breathing the cooled air as it slips over the cold ceramic sink.

Lately I’ve been holding my past in and the springtime air out. Spring disgusts me. Everyone triumphs the renewal of life, ignoring how dirty this renewal is. Mold, rain, pollen, dust, heaving liquid filth, frolicking. I don’t ever remember frolicking or wanting to for that matter. Rot and decay start in springtime, winter is clean, without smell.

That and everything yells during spring, birds, cats, dogs, people. Twitterpation season. And what is the beauty behind a baby flying around, shooting people with poisoned arrows? Doesn’t anyone else know that Cupid rhymes with stupid.

I hate Valentine’s Day. Some people call it “Single Awareness Day,” but I don’t hate it for that. I always seem to have a boyfriend, just never good ones.

I once ate a whole bag of candy hearts, not the ones with words on them, nasty things made out of eraser dust, but the little, hot, red ones. I locked myself in the bathroom to hide from Momma holding her out with my feet. When the shaking stopped I crawled into the tub and ate the hearts one at a time.

The tub was dirty. If you squinted hard it looked like black ivy climbing all over. I chewed each heart for the first half of the bag, but my mouth was burning too much to chew the second half. I swallowed what was left one by one. I didn’t like them, they hurt, but each one made me feel real again. So, I kept eating them even when the tears came, making the ivy sway and crawl along the walls of the tub. Each little heart was a pill, making the numb go away for a few seconds, making me a normal little girl.

Momma’s current two-week to three-month boyfriend had been babysitting for a while. His name was Jake and he decided to “share something special” with me for Valentine’s Day. I ate a spicy heart and could focus on the heat gliding down my throat instead of the things he’d had me do. My tongue burned and my nose dripped into the filthy tub, keeping me alive inside until the bag was empty. Then I was forced to think again.

I puked fire onto the bathroom floor. The candy clawed its way out like each heart had hundreds of Momma’s fake fingernails. Twisted, sharp debris swam with whole hearts in a bloody lake on the curling, yellow linoleum. I covered it up with toilet paper and hid in a closet the rest of the day, until Momma found me. She beat me with a fly swatter, not the rubbery, swat end, but she turned it around to use the wire handle. I welcomed the pain that made me real once more. I thought I deserved it for what I had taken from her. She made me clean up the bathroom floor, but I cleaned the whole bathroom instead, tearing down the ivy walls. I scrubbed for hours, drowning myself in the chemical air.

Launa was smarter than me then, though she’s probably dead now. She ran away. I think she was fourteen or fifteen. She thought that by leaving she wouldn’t end up like Momma. Maybe it worked, I haven’t heard from Launa in three years.

Momma got herself beat to death about two years after Launa left by some new boyfriend. They found her in the trash behind a bar after she was missing two days. My sister came home from somewhere that spring to take care of me. I don’t know how she knew about any of it.

She disappeared four years later. I was completely alone before I even graduated from high school. Momma and Launa at least left me the suffocating house and, with it, my bathroom. So, sometimes, when things get numb again and I need to feel real, to feel sane, I sit on the clean bathroom floor, feet against the door, and trace a pink stain over and over again in the linoleum with my left hand.

Warming up my novel fingers...

I have no great purpose to my blog this morning. I'm really just trying to wake up the writing part of my brain. I have found no better means of kickstarting my writing than typing away. It's like jumping on a bike after a long while of walking and driving. Yes, the old adage is correct. You will not forget. But, you may be wobbly for a bit as you work muscles that have let memory slide. This means the first bit of my wordsmithing comes out slow and boring. I can't do that to my novel. I do that to you all instead. You are welcome.

I've been babbling a lot about quitting my job lately. I will try to focus more in the future on how the act of quitting affects me and my life instead of ranting away. Not much to report at the moment. I gave a very large notice so not much is changing. I can say that I am still happier. Our guest satisfaction scores have skyrocketed since I gave notice. Just more proof that an employee's mood can drastically shift customer's perceptions. My good mood has been contagious. Front desk agents smile more, are more productive, and whine less. Thank you all for following my lead. The hotel needs happy workers. That is why I am leaving. I can no longer be happy doing this and I feel terrible that my unhappiness drags down the rest of you. Sorry about that. I will do my best to keep you all going strong until I leave in three and a half months. After that, you are on your own...for the most part. I will still be blogging and on facebook.

My novel is doing well. Yes, it is still stalled out around the middle, but the writing up to that is in good shape. My seminar was helpful and I was called professional by a man who has published many many books. I rewrote my outline the other day and I think the novel will take off from there. It looks good. I know my opinion is biased, but I like my book more than a little. Kaden, Aren, and James are in for the ride of their imaginary lives. Kaden is growing up as he attempts to find lost Aren in another world. Aren is discovering her own power and finding she doesn't need to be rescued. James is having some issues with nanochips in his head, a computer AI that is falling in love with him, holograms coming to life, his flirty but distant boss, and genetically constructed dragons. He'll figure it all out though. I hope to have it finished within the next four months. Then I am off to find an agent on the yellow brick road of publishing. Not looking forward to the flying monkey attacks, but some of the scenery should be nice and I do enjoy skipping.